either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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