I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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