i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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