The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
