I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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