I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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