Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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