i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
