Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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