i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
