You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I can't turn off my feet"
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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