I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Randomize
