wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
