let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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