guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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