my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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