My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
