Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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