I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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