i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
