My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
