You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
