dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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