Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
