doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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