I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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