I want to make a zoo with you.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
