Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
