It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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