I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
