My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
