After last night, I could never be a politician.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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