You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
