Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
