9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
