if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
