hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
