Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
