Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
