Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
