so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He has the fingertips of a God
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