She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize