Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
