i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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