Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
