Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
