handjob tips. give me some.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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