So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
