I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
