i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
