This girl is more easily done than said...
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
