Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
