You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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