not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
