I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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