god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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