I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize