You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
