we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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