i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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