I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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