its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
and she was petting her beer can
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
