It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
