just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
