it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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