I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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